7:00 a.m. Rinsing dishes. CRAP. I have managed to lodge a small food prep bowl in the opening of my disposal.
How
How
How does this happen?
I try for like 15 minutes with various tools or things hanging out in the kitchen (paring knife, grapefruit knife…) nothing is working. I have to put a towel over my shirt as the sink also has water in it. Every time I try to get that damn bowl out I spray my whole torso with water.
FUN FUN FUN
10:40 a.m. Mommy radar up – sense Tenny is coming down with something. Head to Emergency weekend doc (read quack).
11:25 a.m . Three attempts to take her temp under her arm. Have you ever tried to get an 18 month old to sit still for 2 minutes with a cold stick jammed under their arm?
11:32 Okay so this is not working clearly. Bringing in another woman doctor to do a rectal temp. More fun. 2 attempts at that – fine. Normal temp.
11:39 Bigger man doctor (like 6’5” or 6’6” and HUGE) comes in, scaring Tenny into a near vice grip on me.
Prying her fingers off of me, he surmises she has an ear infection. The very same thing I diagnosed one hour ago. I probably do not need to tell you how smart I am…. right?
11:45 getting our discharge paperwork and prescription for Tenny.
Sasquatch says “let me see the dosage for her age” and he consults the AMA handbook…. his blackberry. He googled the medication amount for my child – searched google for the appropriate meds for my kid. Apprehensive but he did go to school for like 12 years I think ….so we are going with it.
12:10 drop the script off at Target and head home.
1:00 Sitter arrives. Mommy sings and is accompanied by a choir of angels.
1:28 Back at Target to get the script. Large note attached to the bag. The pharmacist pulls me to the side. “Um….just so you know… we called the doctor (quack) to tell him he had the dosage wrong (quack quack). He was giving her double the dose for her weight (quack quack quack).” SAY WHAT?
I mean what would have happened if I had given it to her????
This is going to ruin my whole Nordstrom Rack shopping spree….
Chorus of angels again.
1:59 Starbucks for iced 2 1/2 pump iced nonfat caramel macchiato
2:15 arrive at the Rack
Angels singing while some flutter overhead
SIDEBAR: I have not been to a Nordstrom Rack in about 3 years.
Pre child and when I had cash.
But now, I am in desperate need of panties that are not so stretched out of shape I could fit them around a dining room chair or so worn they could double for dental floss.
This place is huge… let me tell you… I am really overwhelmed.
“Where are the tank tops?”
“Do you want Juniors, designers, Nordstom Classic, lingerie suit tanks???”
“Um… I want one that will cover my bra straps and my butt in yoga pants post workout”
Rolling of the eyes…. clearly over me.
“let me show you” briskly walking as if she could outrun me.
Well honest to God, I feel as if I should have brought bread crumbs.
We go all over the place. I am prepared I have my starbucks and a water. This lady even comments:
“I am impressed that you had time to stop to hydrate”
What?
Couple hours later, I am throwing all kinds of crap in my cart. I am a bit in a state of euphoria as I do not have the girls with me pulling, pushing and just generally making me crazy. The cart (okay so its my cart but if I say “the” it makes me feel better… so just go with it) is about to overflow.
I am not getting all of this – not by a long shot
but…. I mean it is so cheap
and what if I don’t grab it and then realize I was completely and totally in love with it,
then come back and it’s just gone.
I mean I might just DIE!
Okay so this back and forth of looking, putting back, going back, not being able to find it, stalking of innocent women until they put back that one fab leopard camisole (drop it sista …. not really your color) goes on for like 2 hours.
Then I need to try these clothes on. Swear to God the line is from the dressing room to just shy of the checkout. SCREW that.
I find a mirror in the middle of the store and commence to going through the mound. I have on a tank so that is doable. And you know you can put most anything on top of yoga pants with enough force and caffeine.
I am through the mound in 17 ½ minutes. Impressive. I need to check out and be home by 5:00. No problem.
So impressed with myself. I found excellent deals and I really think Stacy and Clinton would be happy with my purchases. But wait……..
OMG
There are kids’ clothes here?
And shoes?
I didn’t even see THOSE sections.
Hyperventilating.
OMG OMG OMG
Need oxygen. All I have time for is a quick pass but do manage to find a 5.00 hot pink sweater for Landon. She’ll be super excited about that as it is 91 degrees.
4:28 p.m. Checking out – do not need assistance getting bag to car but only because I carry to 50 pounds between the two hips daily.
5:01 I am home. Fantastic. Girls are happy to see me.
5:20 Angie is here – very good friend and Godmother to the girls.
5:21 Angie and I try to extract that stupid bowl that has been lodged in the sink all day.
She is so smart and (fresh from sleep without interruption) suggests a plunger to release the suction.
We are both pretty small girls but the combination did manage to release that stupid ass bowl (nearly knocked us both into another zip code though). And that bowl is now a permanent resident of the TRASH CAN.
5:38 girls dancing for Angie. Landon in her Tinkerbell dress just because….
5:45 in girls room changing sheets.
5:57 crib mattress on the floor.
5:58 Tennyson steps on the mattress, turns, then loses her footing…. OMG WHAP! AAKKK!
Blood everywhere. We are somewhat frozen for a second. I grab Tennyson – mouth full of blood – all over my hands – she is screaming, I am screaming, Landon has no idea what is going on
“Oh My God – she has knocked her tooth out” — that teary voice is me.
I don’t know how it happened, just the positioning and the way she fell but the tooth was gone.
“get a towel”
“get ICE”
“get … just….get”
Frantic and not in control for a couple of minutes there.
We are going back to Urgent Care we decide.
In the car – Angie driving, me holding Tennyson.
She is SCREAMING. Landon in the back saying “I no want to go to the doc’er. Mommy why Tennyson screaming. It too loud”
All the while I am watching for the cops certain I will get in trouble because Tennyson is in my lap. It’s about ¾ of a mile from my house and I really don’t think I could have gotten Tenny in her carseat.
6:05 p.m. Arrive
6:06 – Same staff – SUPER
6:07 One guy ahead of us and he barely has a cold.
6:07 and 30 seconds I am trying to get my insurance card out but am shaking and holding Tennyson.
6:09 – They call that moron with the cold back (he is probably a nice person but I was scared and angry) and I cut them a what the hell is your problem look.
6:10 – they call us. I go running while Angie and Landon wait. I hear Landon as we go back.
“What is your name?”
“My name is Jessica. What is your name?”
“Landon… Landon Tinkerbell” … Of course it is honey.
The nurse with the broken finger tries to get my bleeding child on the scale again.
“Listen we were here 5 hours ago. She weighs 23 pounds; we are skipping this part. K?”
6:11 In room and waiting for the doctor while this same lady tries to take her temperature AGAIN.
6:15 Great its Sasquatch again. We fumble with trying to get her to show us her tooth. Yea .. not happening.
Sasquatch lays her back and starts mashing around her tooth or what is now the gaping hole. Honestly I am feeling weak because she is scared and screaming like she is being eaten by a pack of wolves.
6:25 He is basically done. He doesn’t know if the tooth is gone or impacted (translated – jammed up in her gum somewhere). He is no help at all. I am to call a pediatric dentist Monday.
6:26 Enter waiting room to find Angie now covered in stickers which she has so patiently allowed Landon to apply at random places on her body.
6:31 We go home and quickly get Tennyson some food and drugs. When finally she was asleep, let me assure you, dinner was poured.
