I often wonder…
How my life became so…
Glamorous
It is 8:16 p.m.
The bewitching hour.
One down…
One to go.
Child that is.
We are stalling.
We have had to pee twice
We needed water.
Then a lovey.
Then wanted to sit by me.
Because?
“I be so worried about you Mommy”
Time number 3…
To pee.
Sneaking out to potty
She does not see me perched outside her door.
“Landon?”
“ACCKK!”
“Mommy you be so scaring me”
“If you were in bed…
As you are supposed to be…
You would not be scared”
“Mommy I just has to pee?”
“Hurry up”
I am waiting…
Because I have seen her work before.
2 minutes
3 minutes
Spin the toilet paper off the roll
Then back on
Tap the wall
Lie across the toilet so she can make wall shadows with her feet.
“Landon!”
“I hurrying Mommy”
Shuffle
Shuffle
Drag
Shuffle
This child is like a rocket at the smell of chocolate
But getting her to bed is like walking uphill…
through quicksand.
“Honey…GO TO BED!”
“Mommy I had to go pee pee”
“Landon you did not…
It is physically impossible to have to pee…
3 times in 5 ½ minutes
“Mommy!”
“Mommy?”
“I DID pee pee…
There were drops
On my legs
Of da pee pee…
I know you saw dem…
I did SO pee”
Pivot
Turn
“Hmmph”
From a four year old
Time to refill my wine
And rethink my strategy.
