Our days are never boring here.
We are out of toilet paper.
Three girls.
No Toilet Paper
BAD BAD BAD
So quick trip to The Safeway
Southern people always add THE in front of the grocery store.
The Piggly Wiggly
The Winn Dixie
Hence
The Safeway
We pull up beside this car.
The man is pretty much reading the Sunday paper in the parking lot.
His significant other?
Also about 35…
Is going to town plucking her chin hairs.
Shit you not.
GOING TO TOWN
Plucking her chin.
Do you take your Tweezerman’s to The Safeway??
She is just
pluck
pluck
pluck
Landon asks?
“Mommy what she being doing?”
“well…
(under my breath)
“Pretty much assuring no nookie tonight.”
HOW COMFORTABLE are you to pluck your chin hairs…
At the grocery store?
With your man right beside you?
I had to look away before she started biting her toenails.
And then:
“Mommy?”
“what honey?”
I turn to see Landon flipping me off.
Twice.
She has pointed both her middle fingers…
at me!
“Mommy…
Do you know what this is?”
“Um…
I do.
Do you?”
“Oh yeah.
Mommy dis is tall one?”
“beg pardon?”
“tall one…
You know”
“Actually I do not know
Could you…
Could you?
Enlighten me?”
“MOM!”
Rolling her eyes.
I am a successful businesswoman…
But an entirely stupid Mother apparently.
“Mommy dis is tall one…
Like…
Where is tall one?
Where is tall one?
Like….
You know
Dumb King?”
What?
What is Dumb King?
?
“Honey?
Thumbkin?…
Is that what you mean?”
“Mom!…
Yes!
Dumb King”
“Oh!
Okay then.
Carry on.”
And I am relieved…
If but for a bit.
And we trek in…
to The Safeway
For more adventures
In Toddlerville…
and TP.
