I wonder.
Is it just me?
Because I am single.
And there is only one parent…
One me.
Is that the reason I am…
Utterly worn out.
Each
And
Every
Day
A boss once told me …
The guilt never goes away.
He meant with his kids.
And I didn’t get it then.
I do…
Now.
I feel guilty as a single mom…
That I don’t have enough time to play with my girls,
Really enjoy them.
Guilty?
That I yelled at Landon…
When she didn’t clean up her barbies.
Or Tenny
When she poops in her big girl panties.
While standing IN THE BATHROOM.
Guilty…
That I can’t spend as much time teaching Landon to ride her bike.
Because there is only one of me
And I need to be…
Catching her sister,
as she runs to towards the busy street.
I feel bad
That?
Tennyson doesn’t get as much one on one time with me,
Like Landon did.
Because she came second.
I feel guilty that?
Last night’s vegetable…
Was a can of black beans.
a choice I later regretted
when Landon ate 3/4 of the can….
By herself…
If you catch my drift
Pun intended
I have guilt that I forgot Tennyson’s snow boots
And she couldn’t play outside with her friends
Last week.
I feel guilty that I have to work so much lately
And that it is taking time from my kids.
And?
I hate that I am so excited about this new job…
And am enjoying it.
I am guilty of reaching for the short books before bedtime.
Or skipping a sentence,
or two,
to expedite the process….
Okay sometimes even a paragraph.
And am grateful the girls cannot read yet.
I feel terrible that I cannot wait to go for sushi Friday night with my friend.
When I should really be here watching Bubble Guppies with the girls.
I wonder if it is just me?
Is it?
Is IT??
Who feels all this guilt?
Is it just part of parenting?
Is there an herb…
Or cocktail…
to make it all go away?
And then…
Tenny says…
“I misses you Mommy”
as I walk down the hall.
And Landon as she is headed to dreamland…
“Mommy?”
“Yes ma’am?”
I squeak out
Barely audible
Because I am just too tired
To utter more than a whisper.
“you are…
Da best mama”
So maybe?
I am not doing such a bad job.
After all.
